So my last appointment with my therapist went well, and it FEELS like I’m making progress! I’ve had more energy, and more spunk since. Plus I acctually got stuff done around the house again. Which helps with the whole mental clutter/chatter.
So if you will remember, I was told previously that I should do a “final telling” of my story, you know get it out there, and let people see what has happened. Or at least one person, who could legit validate my feelings and responses in order to help me let go of the past.
Well after a lot of careful consideration I’m working on doing that here, I don’t know that I can handle telling someone directly in a face-to-face conversation or even over the phone. But I do know that I need to get it out of me.
To that end I’m working on 2 things, 1 I’m going to go through my old journals that I have kept over the years and skim them for a list of events. Then I’m going to destroy the journals. Not sure how yet, but I think I need to release the pent up energy and anger that went into makeing them. I want to review them more for the sake of honoring my past, and then I’ll do some kind of ceremony and get rid of all them in one go.
I’m sure I’ll break down in tears, I’m sure I’ll be emotionally drained, but I’m even more sure that I will feel freer to MOVE ON with my life. And that makes me happy just thinking about it.
The other thing is that instead of telling my therapist what happened and dealing with all the consequences of that emotion coming out (cause just thinking about telling someone was causing me to have panick attacks, and other health issues cropping up). I asked if we could work on changing some of the belive patterns that I’ve adopted as a result of the abuse I’ve been through.
To that end we started working through a list of “Irrational Myths” by Dr. Albert Ellis to see which ones resonate with me. And WOW so powerful, and so interesting to see what came up. So check back, I’ll be doing some posts on the topic of irrational myths and how to connect with and change the belives that are holding you back!