Square Peg, Round Hole – How never fitting in made me stronger then I knew.

Everyone has moments where they feel like a square peg trying to fit in a round hole.  It’s a moment when you realize that you just don’t fit the expected mold.

I don’t have a single moment where I suddenly knew I was different from those around me.  I believe that I’ve always been “destined” (if you can call it that) to be odd or unusual.  And I’m not talking “Every one’s a snowflake” or “we are all unique in our own way” kind of different.  I’m talking core beliefs I just NEVER was the same as anyone else expected.

I’ve constantly faced people telling me my perception of life is wrong.  That I’ve misunderstood them and their intentions or statements.  And for many years it was confusing trying to understand people in general.

In order to fit in I started to change myself, it’s kinda like making the square peg fit the round hole.  To make it work the peg looses parts of it’s self (the corners) to make the hole work.

The peoblem with this is that when we start shaving the corners off ourselves to make others happy we aren’t just making minor changes, we are setting the foundation of expectation that we will keep changing (shaving off more of ourelves) as others require us to.

Now don’t get me wrong, sometimes we need to change in order to grow and that can include shaving off old and outdated thoughts and belifes.  What I’m talking about here is the deliberate changing of something that is instrumental to who we are in order to make someone else happy.  NOT the choice to grow as a person.

So how do we know when the change is good for us?

This is something that each person will need to check for themself.  It really is a subjective answer.  But generally speaking if:

  • you feel good about the change
  • you are happier with the change then with out
  • you are more confident now then before
  • you are building towards the life you dream about
  • you are making small consistent steps in the direction of change
  • you are building new and/or stronger relationships around you
  • you are curious, and inquisitive with in your own life

Chances are you are likely growing and not changing for someone else.

The Questions to Ask BEFORE deciding to change.

If you haven’t started making changes there are some questions you can ask yourself to help determin if the change is for you or someone else.

  • Do I feel like I will loose someone’s love if I don’t make this change?
  • Do I feel pressured to make this change/choice?
  • Do I feel like I am unlovable with out this?
  • Does this decision make me feel like I’m going to loose who I am?
  • Can I make this change in small steps over time or do I need to do it right away?
  • What do I need to give up to make this happen?  Is that something I’m willing/able to do?

If you are uncertian of wether or not this choice is for your growth or to please someone else:

Then make a list (I love lists) of all the benefits and draw backs from making this change.

When you are done look at the list and see who benefits the most from the benefits, is it you?

How about the draw backs, who is most impacted by them?

If the benefits are mostly for you, it’s likely this is something that will help you grow as a person.

If all the draw backs are against you, but the benefits are for someone else…. this change is likely to make someone else happy and you miserable.  Which means it won’t stick in the long run, and you’ll be facing this again, down the road.

It’s your choice which path you take, all I ask is that you make the choice with your eyes open.

I’ll be honest,

You are OKAY just the way you are . . . Yes REALLY, You Are.

Many of us strive to improve and grow through out our lifetimes.  It is a nobel pursuit, but it’s also something the “Self-Help Gurues” are using to help themselves to what’s in our pockets.  It has also turned into a bit of a competition of “Look at me, I’ve grown so much”.

That’s not growth, that’s ego.

True personal growth comes from within, it comes from understanding and accepting yourself the way you are more fully.  It’s only from THAT place of Self-Acceptance that we can truely grow.

It takes a strong person to accept their weaknesses and vulnerabilities.

It takes a stronger person to build on those weaknesses and move forward with their life.